Day 5

Normally a co-worker being upset with me for being late with an assignment wouldn't bother me at all. Today, it made me feel like a homicidal maniac.

I won't get deep with it, because it's the craving for nicotine speaking, along with that Stella I had with lunch. You can't smoke in bars around here anyway so there isn't a constant reminder until I'm just sitting idle outdoors. I don't want to smoke cigarettes though... so even though I miss smoking with a beer, I know there is something else I could enjoy with a beer in replacement. I have to keep my hands busy. If my hands are doing something then my mind is not one-track minding about smoking. I read a newspaper while I had a beer today. My hands were busy tracing the lines of text through the pages, then turning the pages as needed. One hand on the ber, one hand on the paper. I should only drink when I have someone to talk to or something to read. That's my of-the-moment epiphany.

I slept better last night, I was still awake every hour or less but it was easier to fall back asleep in between and I felt more rested. I sure am glad today is Friday though. I can sleep in tomorrow and being home alone really helps a lot with the urges to smoke. I live with 2 other smokers so even though I sit around in areas I used to smoke a lot in too, I get pretty lit and forget that smoking is and or was on the agenda. 6 hours later I'm like oh I think I'll have a cig cuz it's been awhile.. it's been like that for awhile so it is pretty easy to just keep my mind occupied when I'm alone and not around other smokers. Also having the puppy is really great too because he just wants to run around outside and now I can run with him. I don't mind taking him out as long as it's not nasty out. I'm also thinking about joining a gym. The new one down the street looks promising.. even Obama was working out there when it first opened. I know, crazy.

Anyway, it's getting easier every day not to smoke and the cravings are not lasting as long. I really hope that this weekend I can keep it together with all the free time I'll have. Maybe I'll clean the house and do 10,000 loads of laundry. That would keep me busy! I also want to carve a pumpkin this year and try to seal it so the squirrels don't eat it.

Anything to stay busy.

PS, my homicidal urges have passed. All I had to do was type something.