Starting On Day 3

Today is my third full day without a cigarette. Wrapping up a 14 year habit, stopping once for 9 months in there.. this is the first time I really genuinely don't want to smoke. I hate that my fingernails are yellow. I hate that everything I don't bury away turns yellow. I hate that my white walls are yellow. I hate being self conscious about how I smell. And I especially hate non-smokers who tell me how beneficial for my health it would be for me to quit.

I'm writing this blog to do what many others have done, catalogue my experience and try to make it meaningful, outside my own personal reasons. I should add that I am only quitting smoking cigarettes, as I still enjoy life's other smokable indulgences!

SO, staying stopped has already had its hurtles... On Monday evening I took a puff and I almost fell over.. instant vertigo and I was sick to my stomach. And through it all, I could still sense some pleasure to it, which I realized is a sick thought in itself and haven't picked one up since then. But I do feel like those little things are trying to get to me. Yesterday some jackass rammed me so hard on the Metro stairs that, had there been no one walking behind me to cushion my fall, I surely would have cracked my head open or worse. It took all my strength not to turn around and send him flying head first down the rest of the stairs. Ahh the little things.. I work as a receptionist and people like to congregate to chat in the area surrounding my desk. Well, it's fucking annoying. I can't concentrate, and I haven't been able to sleep the last couple nights so I am already having a hard time. No one at my job has seen the power of my mood swings yet (I haven't been here long and have no reason to ever be upset) but it's like every little thing is getting on my nerves right now!! I called someone to come watch my desk to go get coffee just a few minutes ago and guess what happened? She signed me out of my computer while I was gone and without even paying attention at all to what I was working on, deleted my entire blog. I've had to write this entire thing over again. But the positive? It's keeping my hands busy and my mind active. I've been eating lots of sunflower seeds ad pumpkin seeds to try to not be a fatass about quitting. I did drop a lot of weight this summer so I have room for about 15 lbs to come back on. Now that I can breathe I will exercise more. The new gym down the street from my house should work nicely.